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Divorce and Remarriage
"They are no more twain, but one flesh.
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder"
(Matthew 19:6).
by Tom and Katie Stewart
Preface
pon opening this study, we want to say upfront, that our intention is
NOT to give advice that would break up ANY family, for that would most assuredly
be UNScriptural. No matter what varied conditions brought about the establishing
of your family, God does want your family to remain established. His Command
still abides, "Let not man put asunder" (Matthew 19:6). The Command has, and will, stand
all of time, for The Incarnate Word (John 1:14) assures us
that, "Heaven and Earth shall pass away,
but My Words shall not pass away" (Matthew 24:35). His Counsel and Commands are given to us and for us. "The Counsel of the LORD standeth for ever, the Thoughts of
His heart to all generations" (Psalm 33:11).
Don't be afraid to hear what the LORD thinks of past decisions you have made without
consulting Him. He knows you've suffered, and He knows the pain that you can't forget.
But you need to know this, that the LORD's ONLY desire for us is His Ultimate
Good worked in our lives. He comforts us by explaining that His Commands are
meant to guide us and fulfill in us only His Utmost Best for us.
If only we understood God, we would realize that He means for us to have only the very best of everything that HE IS AND DOES. "For IN HIM we live, and move, and have our being" (Acts 17:28). "Truly God is Good... to such as are of a clean heart" (Psalm 73:1).
And that Divine Goal, of having His Joy "remain
in you, and that your joy might be full" (John
15:11), is ONLY accomplished by heeding His Advice. His Will is that
we be filled with rejoicing: "I delight
to do Thy Will, O my God: yea, Thy Law is within my heart"
(Psalm 40:8).
Dear Christian brethren, since "He
brought [us] up also
out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay" and desires
to "set [our] feet upon a Rock" and seeks to
have "established
[our] goings" (Psalm
40:2) fully upon Himself, can we not trust His Word concerning divorce
and remarriage? "Trust in the LORD with
all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding"
(Proverbs 3:5). His Way is the Very Best Way-- and the ONLY
Way-- for us to go. "Jesus saith unto
him, I Am The Way, The Truth, and The Life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by
Me" (John 14:6).
.
Table of Contents
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load completely
before selecting a link. Thanks.
Preface
Proposal #1: Marriage is a taste of Heaven, and of the intimacy shared between the Church Bride and the Divine Bridegroom.
Proposal #2: For a Christian, marriage is only to be entered into with another Christian.
Proposal #3: Marriage is a way that God can provide help for a man.
Proposal #4: Marriage is a way that God can provide care for a woman.
Proposal #5: Marriage is a way that God can provide Himself with Godly seed.
When Marriage is Minimized Consequences are Maximized
When Man Sins, God Must Suffer It
When is Hardness of Heart Sin?
When Fornication and Adultery Become Factors in a Divorce
When the Unbelieving Spouse Secures the Divorce Against the Will of the Christian
Back to Table
of Contents
In Whatever State You Are Called
et every man abide in the same calling
wherein he was called" (1Corinthians
7:20). "Not
that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I
am, therewith to be content" (Philippians 4:11). Whatever present situation in life you now find yourself in, whether unmarried,
married, divorced, or remarried, whether your present situation is a result of past
sin, or of misunderstanding, you are now called by God to walk in His Word, "as God hath distributed to every man, as the LORD
hath called every one [or, in whatever
state you are called, i.e., whether
"married" or "unmarried", whether "servant" or "free",
whether "circumcised" or "uncircumcised"
(1Corinthians 7: 10-11, 18-19, 22-23)], so let him walk.
And so ordain I [Paul] in all churches" (1Corinthians
7:17). And your present willingness must seek the LORD's full
Counsel-- "not with eyeservice, as menpleasers;
but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart" (Ephesians. 6:6)-- with a willingness to face even
painful revelations, knowing that it pleases God to work His Will in you. Only with
this kind of love for Him will you consider and desire to know His opinion of your
past choices and decisions.
God puts families together-- it is ONLY man who tears them apart. "For God is not the Author of confusion, but of Peace" (1Corinthians 14:33). There is a question that you
may ask. "If I have gotten a divorce and have remarried, do I need to divorce
again and/or return to the first marriage?" To divorce again is just as sinful
as to divorce in the first place. The LORD would not have you compound the first
sin of divorce by a second sin of divorce.
"Let us do evil, that good may come" (Romans
3:8). "God forbid" (Romans 3:4). Governments
and laws of men are given authority from God to join together men and women
in marriage. They are "the minister[s] of God to thee
for good" (Romans
13:1, 4). But divorce is NOT "good", whether it
is for the first time, the second time, or ever. If your present
marriage was established in a sinful state of heart, you must confess that to the
LORD. Only then can He forgive you. Only then can you be made holy in your present
state, with Promise for an unsaved spouse or unsaved children. You must truly
be "naked and opened unto the eyes of
Him with Whom we have to do" (Hebrews 4:13). "Having your conversation honest" (1Peter 2:12), and
"providing for honest things, not only in the sight of the LORD, but also in
the sight of men" (2Corinthians 8:21),
will place you "on the good ground" (Luke 8:15) which God's people walk, "in an honest and good heart, having heard the Word,
[they]
keep it, and bring forth fruit with patience" (8:15). God requires us to be truthful with Him, holding back nothing. "Behold, Thou desirest truth in the inward parts:
and in the hidden part Thou shalt make me to know Wisdom" (Psalm 51:6). This examination may cause great emotional
pain, or perhaps only uneasiness. But, it is "through
desire [that] a man,
having separated himself, seeketh and intermeddleth with all Wisdom" (Proverbs 18:1), and it is only by this seeking that
we find (Matthew 7:7) and
"know the Truth, and [then] the Truth shall make you free"
(John 8:32). With the freedom and liberty that comes from a
"walk in Truth"
(3John 1:4), The Word says, that "he
that is called, being free, is Christ's servant" (1Corinthians
7:22).
Back to Table of
Contents
The State of Singleness
here is nothing sinful or wrong about marrying--
however, Paul's leading from the Holy Spirit
(i.e., "I have the Spirit of God" [1Corinthians 7:40]) teaches that it is "good" (1Corinthians 7:26) to be single in life. A life independent of the needs of
a spouse has fewer hindrances to "be holy
both in body and in spirit" (1Corinthians 7:34). A single
person has more liberty to live "for the
Kingdom of Heaven's sake" (Matthew 19:12). Singleness
allows more opportunity to "please the
LORD" (1Corinthians
7:32). And,
according to God's Own Spirit, a Christian is simply "happier" (1Corinthians 7:40) if privileged to live solely "unto the LORD" for
"he that is joined unto the LORD is One
Spirit" (1Corinthians
6:17).
The dictionary definition establishes "singleness" as "lacking a partner".
While it is true, that a single person lacks a human
partner, the Bible teaches us that a single Christian has the honour of a most intimate
relationship with a Divine Partner. This intimacy with The Holy One is the coveted
blessing and enjoyment given to the single person. This is "True Love"
because love is the very essence of God, "for God is Love" (1John 4:8). According
to the Holy Spirit (1Corinthians
7:40), the best, holiest, most blessed, and happiest life a
Christian can choose to follow, is a life devoted singularly to only One Person--
the LORD Jesus Christ. Paul again drives this point home when he writes, "Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ"
(1Corinthians 11:1).
Christian parents, if you desire the very best life for your children, as you "bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the
LORD" (Ephesians 6:4), encourage
this Truth from the Holy Spirit as the Very Highest Good you can counsel for their
future.
Now, for the Scriptures used above, in context, let's look first in Matthew.
Verse nine, we shall address later, except to notice here the reason for the disciples conclusion in verse ten, that since there is so much trouble in marrying and contending with its subsequent problems (i.e., "adultery"), that this being so, it then follows, that "It is not good to marry" (19:10). The LORD Jesus didn't address His disciples the way most of us would address our children, or friends, if confronted with the same scenario. We would draw from our human experience, and say, "Not so!" We would promote the virtues of marriage and acclaim the joy and security found when two people enter into " true love" and a "forever after" marriage. (And of course, "in the LORD" [1Corinthians 7:39], a Christ-centered union between two who become "one flesh" [Matthew 19:6] is most assuredly a taste of Heaven [Hebrews 6:4] and a physical parallel to the blessedness found in Christ and His Bride Church [Ephesians 5:25]). But our LORD and Saviour reaches even higher for more of that "Wisdom that is from Above" (James 3:17), and gives the example which places His disciples on even Higher Ground. "There be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs [by an exercise of their freewill] for the Kingdom of Heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it" (19:12). Only the Spiritually minded can appreciate, let alone understand, the blessedness of this Counsel. "Which things also we speak, not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with Spiritual" (1Corinthians 2:13). When engaged with the conclusion of His disciples, that, "It is not good to marry" (19:10), Jesus endorses the Spiritual position which "all men cannot receive... save they to whom it is given" (19:11), that SOME who are "given" it by the Holy Spirit, willing remain unmarried, fitting them in better stead "for the Kingdom of Heaven's sake" (19:12).
It is Paul's Spirit-led "judgment" that Christians should not seek marriage. It is "good" for them to be single in
their service for the LORD. Paul quickly points out that "if
thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned", but concerning the "distress" of knowing whether or not to stay single, Paul says, "it is good for a man so to be".
When the Apostle Paul states that he has "no
Commandment of the LORD", but only his "judgment", please remember that:
1. even though Paul isn't quoting a "Commandment" from the Old Testament, he is a Holy Spirit-inspired writer of the New Testament, and that this is Divine Counsel.
2. Also, the "judgment(s)" of Paul are included in the canon of Scripture-- thus being Providentially protected as a part of the Book we lovingly call, God's Word.
3. And finally, that any person who deviously claims that Paul's "judgment" is of lesser value than the rest of God's Word, MUST beware. Paul said, "I have the Spirit of God" (1Corinthians 7:40). Therefore, denying Paul's "judgment" as a Holy Spirit-inspired writer of God's Own Word equals denying "the Spirit of God" (7:40). This denial could be the very sin that induces eternal searing of their conscience in "blasphemy against the Holy Ghost". (Please read "Charles G. Finney on the Blasphemy Against the Holy Spirit" ---New Window.)
Paul understands that there is "no Commandment" to stay single. "But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned" (1Corinthians 7:28). However, if your heart desires the Ultimate Best to live and work for the Ultimate Good of God and His Kingdom, then the single life-- with the LORD as your Partner-- is the Counsel God gives from His Word. Marry if you must, "nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you" (7:28) because singleness with the LORD is better. "And herein I give my advice: for this is expedient for you" (2Corinthians 8:10).
Yes, married people can and do work for the LORD. But those same
people could be even more efficient if they weren't married. An unmarried person
has much more time and freedom to "please
the LORD" (7:32) and take care of the LORD's business.
Married people, because they love each other and seek to do their best for each other,
cannot give as much of their best to God. It's just not possible. God said
so, "There is difference also between
a wife and a virgin" (7:34). And
He says further, "This I speak for your
own profit"; a single person can "attend upon the LORD without distraction" (7:35).
Remember, Paul IS NOT AGAINST marriage. "So then he that giveth
her in marriage doeth well" (1Corinthians 7:38).
However, "he that giveth her NOT in marriage
doeth better" (7:38). Even a widow "is
happier if she so abide" (7:39-40)
the remainder of her life as a single person. "6 But I speak this by permission, and
not of Commandment. 7
For I would that all men were even as I myself.
But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after
that. 8 I say therefore to
the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But
if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn" (1Corinthians 7:6-9).
A single life with Christ does "contain" (7:9), that is, does
restrain from sexual activity. Only in marriage is sexual intercourse sanctioned
by God. "Marriage is honourable in all,
and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). Fornication
is sexual intercourse between partners who are not married to each other. Adultery
is fornication, but more defined. Adultery is sexual intercourse between a married
person and a partner who is not the spouse. Much more will be said later concerning
the subjects of fornication and adultery, but for now, to suffice, let God's Word
state clearly, "It is good for a man not
to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own
wife, and let every woman have her own husband" (1Corinthians
7:1-2).
There are necessary ingredients for living in this greatly blessed oneness with Christ.
But, "if
any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the
flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not:
let them marry" (1Corinthians 7:36). If God grows a deep love inside of a man and
a woman, and they deeply desire the companionship of each other, then God provides
the union of marriage to fulfill their needs.
The "oneness" that a single person
can share with Christ is unique, however, there are aspects of "oneness"
that a husband and wife can share with Christ, which are unique as well.
Back to Table of Contents
The State of Marriage: God's Design
for Marriage
n all of the alliances, affiliations, and unions of men that
have come and gone on the face of this 6,000 year old planet ---New
Window, marriage was the very first one.
Marriage is God's institution. He made the first male to be married to the first
female, "male and female created He them" (Genesis 1:27). Only grounded in Christ can marriage have the opportunity
to end in a "happily ever after." There are circumstances of an everlasting
array, "as a tale that is told" (Psalm 90:9), which spring up from a love that results in marriage. These events
are binding, life giving, complicated, and permanent. "Let
all things be done decently and in order" (1Corinthians
14:40). This brings us to the
fixed intentions of God and of why He created marriage.
Proposal #1: Marriage is a taste of Heaven,
and of the intimacy shared between the Church Bride and the Divine Bridegroom.
Marriage is intimacy. "They are no more
twain, but one flesh" (Matthew 19:6).
This concept of "oneness" was present at the very beginning of man's creation.
God made us in His "Own Image" (1:27), giving us of His Own Free Will, that we would make choices which
would bind us intimately together with Him forever.
"We are to use the free will that God has given us to recognize His worth. We are to want to be like Him. We are to want what He wants. We are to want Him. 'Whom have I in Heaven but Thee? and there is none upon Earth that I desire beside Thee' (Psalm 73:25). Esteem Him by valuing His opinions, His desires, and His requirements with loving obedience. 'I have esteemed the Words of His mouth more than my necessary food' (Job 23:12). 'How sweet are Thy Words unto my taste! yea, sweeter than honey to my mouth!' (Psalm 119:103). Only then will you know the true Beauty of that sweet Holiness that binds you and the Godhead together in blessed love. 'Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love Me, he will keep My Words: and My Father will love him, and We will come unto him, and make Our abode with him' (John 14:23)." --from "The Beauty of Holiness" ---New Window.
Choices made for Him and His purposes reap to the LORD a people for Eternity for whom He will love completely and will be loved completely. They will be One with Him. "One flesh" (Matthew 19:6) on Earth mirrors the Oneness that unites all of Heaven. Jesus said, "That they all may be one; as Thou, Father, art in Me, and I in Thee, that they also may be one in Us" (John 17:21).
The physicality of a husband and wife being "one flesh" (Matthew 19:6) to each other mirrors the Spiritualness of Christ's Oneness with His Church Bride. "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it" (Ephesians 5:25). The Song of Solomon brings this love relationship with husband and wife in focus with the love relationship found in Christ and His Church.
"'The Song of Solomon' has been one of the most misunderstood books of the Bible. However, this has not always been the case. In the days of the Reformation, and in times when persecution of Jesus Christ's Church was the greatest, His Bride tenaciously clung to the love song He had given her. It was one of the most memorized books of the Bible. But with the passing of time, to our great shame, we have forgotten the meaning of this most precious book... In the short eight chapters of 'The Song of Solomon', we find the close and intimate communion of the Royal Bridegroom, King Solomon, and his bride. The example of their complete unity and oneness of love is the same experience we should have with our Royal Bridegroom, Jesus Christ." --from "Comments on the Song of Solomon" ---New Window by Judith Bronte.
This art print, "If Two Shall Agree" by C. Michael Dudash
is provided courtesy of Christ-Centered Art"
---New Window.
Fidelity is conceived in love, and matures in love to reach great gentleness, understanding,
and unity between spouses.
"4 Charity [love] suffereth
long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not
[prides not]
itself, is not puffed up, 5 doth
not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked,
thinketh no evil; 6
rejoiceth not in iniquity,
but REJOICETH IN THE TRUTH;
7 beareth all
things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all
things. 8 Charity NEVER faileth"
(1Corinthians 13:4-8).
Love never fails. Love never cheats. Love never
defiles. The marriage vow, or promise, is one of fidelity. Jesus is Faithful to us,
His Church (i.e., "Jesus Christ, Who is
the Faithful Witness... that loved us, and washed us from our sins in His Own BLOOD" [Revelation 1:5]). We are to be "faithful
in Christ Jesus" (Ephesians
1:1). "44 Therefore
be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son Of Man cometh. 45 Who
then is a faithful and wise servant, whom his LORD hath made ruler over his household... 46 Blessed is that
servant, whom his LORD when He cometh shall find so doing" (Matthew 24:44-46).
The LORD makes no allowance for ANY kind of excuse when it comes to sin, and the
sin of infidelity is strictly warned against. Jokes are made about eyes that wander,
but love constrains a Christian from such foolishness. "I
made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?" (Job 31:1). The entertainment of such lust is sin. And "the wages of sin is death"
(Romans 6:23).
"But every man is tempted, when he is
drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth
forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death" (James 1:14-15). Forgiveness is given Only when sin ceases. (Please
read "Repentance
Before Prayer for Forgiveness" ---New Window by Charles
G. Finney, "The Oberlin Evangelisht," 1851.)
"IF we confess our sins, He is Faithful
and Just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1John 1:9).
"To him that overcometh will I
give to eat of the Tree of Life, which is in the midst of the Paradise of God" (Revelation 2:7).
[for the wife- ] 12 To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaketh froward things; 13 who leave the paths of uprightness, to walk in the ways of darkness; who rejoice to do evil, and delight in the frowardness of the wicked; whose ways are crooked, and they froward in their paths:
[for the husband- ] 16 To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words; 17 Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her God. 18 For her house inclineth unto death, and her paths unto the dead. 19 None that go unto her return again, neither take they hold of the paths of Life" (Proverbs 2:10-19).
Proposal #2: For a Christian, marriage is
only to be entered into with another Christian.
Whether the Scripture is taken from the Old Testament, or the New, the message to
God's people is that they keep themselves separate from the world.
To be separate from the world is especially important
when choosing a life-partner. Sharing your dreams and goals in life with the human
being who should be your closest ally demands you choose a Christian, IF your dreams
and goals belong to God. "14 Be ye not unequally yoked together
with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?
and what communion hath light with darkness? 15 And what concord hath Christ
with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? 16 And what
agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the
Living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will
be their God, and they shall be My people.
17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate,
saith the LORD, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, 18 and
will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be My sons and daughters, saith the LORD
Almighty" (2Corinthians 6:14-18).
If you wish to have "fellowship", "communion", "concord", and "agreement" with God, then you must choose a spouse that also has "fellowship", "communion", "concord", and "agreement" with God. Only in obedience
to "the LORD Almighty" do you prove your love and faith in "the LORD
Almighty". "As He which hath called
you is Holy, so be ye holy in ALL manner of conversation; because it is written,
Be ye holy; for I am Holy" (1Peter 1:15-16). So, when
your LORD gives you a Command, the only proper and acceptable response is complete
obedience. "The wife is bound by the Law [of God] as long
as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married
to whom she will; ONLY in the LORD"
(1Corinthians 7:39).
Disobedience to this command pollutes the standard of holiness set by God for His
children. "Judah hath profaned the holiness
of the LORD which He loved, and hath married the daughter of a strange god" (Malachi 2:11). And disobedience forces the LORD
to judge His children. "Come out of her,
My people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues" (Revelation 18:4).
Just like the days in which Noah lived, when people married without regard to God's
Will or Command, and cast off "the Counsel
of the LORD" (Psalm
33:11), so we repeat today. "As it was in the days of Noe, so shall it be also in the days
of the Son of Man. They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given
in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and
destroyed them all" (Luke
17:26-27). In Noah's day, God's people had
a prevalent TYPE of sin. A type even that represented the sin
to come, such as the sin in the Old Testament that foreshadows the sin in the New
Testament. "2 The sons of God
[Israel] saw the daughters of men [the ungodly] that they were fair;
and they TOOK THEM WIVES OF ALL which they chose. 3
And the LORD said, My Spirit shall NOT ALWAYS
STRIVE WITH MAN... 4 There
were giants [men of great stature] in the Earth in those days; and also after that, when the
sons of God [Israel] came
in unto the daughters of men [the ungodly], and they bare children to them, the same became mighty [strong, numerous]
men which were of old, men of renown [fame
and popularity]. 5 And God saw that the wickedness of MAN was great
in the Earth, and that EVERY imagination of the thoughts of his heart was ONLY evil
continually. 6 And it
repented the LORD that He had made man on the Earth, and it grieved
Him at His heart. 7 And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created
from the face of the Earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the
fowls of the air; for it repenteth Me that I have made them. 8
But Noah found grace in the eyes of the LORD" (Genesis 6:2-8). And so, "the
LORD, the Righteous Judge" (2Timothy 4:8), "the Judge of All the Earth" (Genesis 18:25), "spared
not the old world, but saved Noah the eighth person, a preacher of Righteousness,
bringing in The Flood upon the world of the ungodly" (2Peter 2:5). Please read the following excerpt
from our study called, "Noah's Ark" ---New
Window (found in our "Stories"
---New Window section):
"The LORD wants us to take special notice of the type of sin that was the most common just prior to the world's judgment [by The Flood]. 'The sons of God' thought so little of the Almighty that they would actually join themselves in the most intimate way, to God's enemies. God's people are NOT to choose their spouses from among the ungodly. We are talking about two separate worlds, with opposite motives, antagonistic values, and NO common ground. Men obey God-- in ALL things-- or they don't. There is no middle ground. There are no shades of gray. There is only Divine Light, or darkness forever.
...If a servant of the LORD disobeys God and marries an unbeliever, assuredly, they will have problems.
The rebellious act of one who 'confesses with the mouth' (Romans 10:10) the LORD Jesus, to sinfully make physical union together with one who defies God, makes spiritual union with God impossible.
IF the LORD's servant repents, there is hope... But, because there was no repentance, in Noah's day (nor in our own), for the fact that 'the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose', there was no hope." --from "Noah's Ark" ---New Window.
God's people, the true Christians of all
nations, are the true Jews (for "he
is a Jew, which is one inwardly; and circumcision is that of the heart, in the spirit,
and not in the letter; whose praise is not of men, but of God... For we are the circumcision,
which worship God in the Spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence
in the flesh" [Romans
2:29; Philippians 3:3]). When God's people
marry the world, they make covenant with the world and break covenant with God, Who
chose them to be special to Him. They break off following the LORD, and start serving
a host of other gods-- beginning with self. "2
Thou shalt make no covenant with them... 3 neither
shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his
son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. 4 For they will turn away thy son
from following Me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD
be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly... 6 For thou art an holy people
unto the LORD thy God: the LORD thy God hath chosen thee to be a special people
unto Himself, above all people that are upon the face of the Earth. 7 The LORD
did not set His love upon you, nor choose you, because ye were more in number than
any people; for ye were the fewest of all people: 8 but because the LORD loved you,
and because He would keep the oath which He had sworn unto your fathers, hath
the LORD brought you out with a Mighty Hand, and Redeemed you out of the house of
bondmen... 9 Know
therefore that the LORD thy God, He is God, the Faithful God, which keepeth Covenant
and Mercy with them that love Him and KEEP His Commandments to a thousand generations; 10 and repayeth them that hate
Him to their face, to destroy them: He will NOT be slack to him that hateth him,
He WILL repay him to his face. 11
Thou shalt therefore KEEP the Commandments,
and the Statutes, and the Judgments, which I command thee this day, TO
DO THEM" (Deuteronomy 7:1-11).
As Christians, marry "ONLY in the LORD" (1Corinthians 7:39). "I beseech
you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that
[in choosing a lifelong mate] ye present your
bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service" (Romans 12:1).
Proposal #3: Marriage is a way that
God can provide help for a man.
Women's Lib doesn't like what the Scriptures teach when God says that the woman was
created second to the man, from the man, and "FOR
the man". "For
the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created
for the woman; but the woman for the man"
(1Corinthians 11:8-9).
Ladies, one of the reasons that God created marriage
is to provide husbands with helpers.
The LORD even provides a list of desirable attributes that a helper-wife should have for her husband.
Proverbs 31
"10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is FAR ABOVE rubies."
"11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil."
"12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."
"13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands."
"14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar."
"15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens."
"16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard."
"17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms."
"18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night."
"19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff."
"20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy."
"21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet."
"22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple [i.e., she does the best she can with what she has]."
"23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land."
"24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant."
"25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come."
"26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the Law of kindness."
"27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness."
"28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her."
"29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all."
"30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised."
"31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates."
Ephesians 5
"22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the LORD."
"23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church: and He is the Saviour of the Body."
"24 Therefore as the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."
1 Peter 3
"1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any [husbands] obey not the Word, they also may without the Word [being constantly preached to them] be won by the conversation of the wives;"
"2 while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear [respect]."
"3 Whose adorning LET IT NOT BE THAT OUTWARD ADORNING of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;"
"4 but let it be the hidden [woman] of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."
"5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their OWN husbands:"
"6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord [master]: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement [or, cowering in fear]."
From the above descriptions given by God as our
Divine Examples, you can see why women are the "nest builders" in the family.
With all of the economic pressures modern life puts upon us, it takes Wisdom from
the LORD and a great deal of faith and courage for spouses to agree to keep the wives
home. The work they do is directly invested in the immediate benefit of the whole
family. "3 The aged women...
may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient
to their own husbands, that the Word of God be NOT blasphemed" (Titus 2:3-5). Wives who are "keepers
at home" (Titus
2:5) are invaluable resources of God whom He
uses to enrich the quality of life within the family. "Her
price is FAR ABOVE rubies" (Proverbs 31:10). If a present situation forbids the financial economics
of the wife staying home, then put that request at the top of the family prayer list.
It's a Godly request based on God's Own Word. He will hear you. "This is the confidence that we have in Him, that, if
we ask any thing according to His Will [and
His Word IS His Will], He heareth us: and if
we know that He hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions
that we desired of Him" (1John
5:14-15).
This helper-wife that God gives to a husband does
NOT mean that the husband now has the right to treat his wife as his own personal
slave. Yes, "wives, submit yourselves
unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the LORD" (Colossians 3:18), but "fit in the LORD", or "as unto
the LORD" (Ephesians 5:22), means that a wife is to submit to her husband in the same way she
would submit to God. If her husband would unrighteously demand that she rob a bank,
or abuse her child, then she could not submit to him in those acts, because God opposes
unrighteous acts. "We ought to obey God
rather than men" (Acts
5:29). Refusing a wicked husband would undoubtedly
cause suffering of some sort for a Christian wife, but she would be in Royal Company.
"If the world hate you, ye know that it
hated Me [Jesus Christ] before it hated you"
(John 15:18).
The LORD has something to say about a husband's treatment of the most unique and valuable person to him in the whole world.
1. Since woman was taken out of man, both are now "one flesh". "23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:18, 21-24). The husband is to bind himself to his wife above all other human beings in the world-- even above his own parents! She is his helper now. ALL of the help this husband receives for the rest of his life, his wife's help is above that of anyone else's. ALL of the opinions and suggestions that this husband is offered-- for the rest of his "unto death" married life-- it is his wife's opinions and suggestions that are considered above any others offered. They are "one flesh" (24). It is the husband's recognition of his wife, and the wife's submission to her husband, which demonstrates love and agreement between them, for "can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3).
2. The husband is to love his wife just as he does his own flesh-- because they are "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). "25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it [Question: "Husbands, do you take care of your wives insomuch that you are willing to give even your life for them, if required?"]... 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself... 33 Let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband" (Ephesians 5:25,28,33). Jesus "loved the Church, and gave Himself for it"; and in similar manner, husbands are to love their wives and to give themselves "for" their wives.
3. The husband does NOT have the right to sleep with whomever he wants. His body belongs ONLY to his wife. "3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath NOT power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other [to withhold intercourse], except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency" (1Corinthians 7:3-5).
Proposal #4: Marriage is a way that God
can provide care for a woman.
Men are meant to be the protectors of their families. Women ARE the weaker sex--
contrary to popular opinion. "Likewise,
ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the
wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the
grace of Life; that your prayers be not hindered"
(1Peter 3:7).
Men, God has given you helper-wives in maintaining the fruits of your labor. Marriage,
in turn, also provides your wives with the necessities they need in life by the help
they receive from you, their helper-husbands. The LORD even provides a list of desirable
attributes that a care-giving husband should have for his wife. A Godly man is blessed
by God, and is thereby a blessing to his wife.
1 Peter 2
"11 Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;"
"12 having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation."
"13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man [i.e., pay your taxes, etc., (Matthew 22:19-21)] for the LORD's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;"
"14 or unto governors, AS unto them that are sent by Him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well."
"15 For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:"
"16 as free, and NOT using your liberty for a cloak of maliciousness, but as the servants of God."
"17 Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king."
"18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear [respect]; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward."
"19 For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully."
"20 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God."
"21 For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow His steps:"
"22 Who did no sin, neither was guile found in His mouth:"
"23 Who, when He was reviled, reviled not again; when He suffered, He threatened not; but committed Himself to Him [Father God] that judgeth righteously:"
"24 Who His Own Self bare our sins in His Own Body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by Whose stripes ye were healed."
"25 For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls."
These further instructions belong to the men, for the securing of their own souls to God, and also for the securing of those souls for whom husbands are held responsible before God-- their wives and children.
Titus 2, 3
"2:2 That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience."
"6 Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded."
"7 In all things showing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine showing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity,"
"8 sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you."
"11 For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men,"
"12 teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and Godly, in this present world;"
"13 looking for that Blessed Hope [the Rapture], and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ;"
"14 Who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto Himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works."
"15 These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no man despise thee."
"3:1 Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good work,"
"2 to speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, showing all meekness unto all men."
"3 For we ourselves also were sometimes [in the past] foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another."
"4 BUT AFTER THAT the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared,"
"5 not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost;"
"6 Which He shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour;"
"7 that being justified by His grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of Eternal Life."
"8 This is a Faithful Saying, and these things I will that thou affirm constantly, that they which have believed in God might be careful to maintain good works. These things are good and profitable unto men."
Ephesians 5
"25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it;"
"26 that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word [as a husband would carefully watch over his wife's spiritual life],"
"27 that He might present it to Himself a glorious Church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish."
"28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself."
"29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the LORD the Church:"
"30 for we are members of His Body, of His Flesh, and of His Bones [as in, "one flesh" (Matthew 19:6)]."
"31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh."
"32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the Church."
"33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence [respect] her husband."
Everyone and everything in this world needs God's
watchful care. Since the wicked refuse the LORD, "neither
will He help the evil doers" (Job 8:20). As "the weaker vessel[s]" (1Peter 3:7), wives are physically
at a great disadvantage if their husbands decide to act "as
brute beasts, in those things [in which] they corrupt themselves"
(Jude 10). "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against
them" (Colossians
3:19). When a husband perverts the good intentions
God meant for him to have toward his wife, a desperate wife often has no where to
go and no one to help. Her caregiver husband, designed by God to be her greatest
physical asset in life, has instead become her worst nightmare. Wicked husbands,
"as natural brute beasts, made to be taken
and destroyed, speak evil of the things that they understand not; and shall utterly
perish in their own corruption" (2Peter 2:12). In this position,
what is a wife to do?
An evil husband, though oppressive and potentially deadly, needs not be the desperate
situation for the wife as it so often happens. A Godly woman has a Great Champion
in the LORD, if she will only TRUST Him. The husband is powerful and can be a deadly
enemy, for "with him is an arm of flesh;
BUT with us [Christian wives] is the LORD our God to help us, and to fight our battles" (2Chronicles 32:8). "His Name [is] Emmanuel, which
being interpreted is, GOD WITH US" (Matthew 1:23). As long as
you know that the LORD is "WITH" you, you can face ANY enemy. "The
LORD is on my side; I will NOT FEAR: what can man do unto me" (Psalm 118:6). You may be totally delivered from your husband's "arm of flesh" (2Chronicles
32:8), and not suffer in your own flesh. "God is in the midst of her
[spoken of Jerusalem, but likened to His Bride in Revelation
21:2]; she shall not be moved: God shall help
her, and that right early" (Psalm 46:5). Or, you may be
chosen by the LORD and "counted worthy
to suffer shame for His Name" (Acts 5:41). But even in the
ultimate face of martyrdom, God will be "WITH" you, and will be your Bridegroom to care for you
as no mere man could ever do, even in man's best intentions. "And if I [Jesus Christ]
go and prepare a place for you [which He has done already],
I WILL come again, and receive you unto Myself; that where I am, there ye may be
also" (John
14:3). (To learn
more about the special calling of God in martrydom, please read, "Martyrdom: They Loved Not Their Lives
Unto the Death" ---New Window.)